24 months of service

Step into July 2010. I have officially came back to Hong Kong for 2 years, just like every story teller, I have never thought what I step into. I kinda know there is a rare type of people they know exactly what they want and pursuit their goal way from the start, some might succeed some might fail, however I have to say I have no place to fit in that sort of catalog.

I had extremely huge ambition since I was young, I dream of changing the world, building space shuttle, make poor people become rich, become owner of weapon factories those sort of ideas. I am also ultra sensitive to the best, no. 1, top of the world sort of character, born on the 10th, January, every birthday with or without celebration does not affect how I feel about my life, esp. the idea of each of the person only live once. this sort of ideas still clicks today but when I have experience more in life, different sort of point of views jumps around you.

my youth dream is to be a car designer in US, with my engineering background and artistic talents i pictures it will be amazing, before dreaming about anything you shall might prepare for the worst and which i have also done that. When i was 15 one day i was waiting for train at the station i asked myself what if all my "big plans" do not work out? that i might have to live the most ordinary life, what would i do? then i saw the train coming towards me, i said, "well, to be a train driver, the track is there, there is only one way in Hong Kong, all i have to care about is stop and go, not a bad job huh?" problem sorted, at least that's what i thought.

Now the world watched the automotive giants in US has collapsed, it seems people who love to plan always miscalculate something. When I was back to Hong Kong, I had to choose a job within insurance finance, investment bank or properties, those kind of job nobody expect a university graduate should do. With all the respect it does not mean these jobs are disrespectful, but the society expect people with above average education would able to contribute more.

the funny thing about any story of life is there is no such thing, after unwillingly step into the insurance industry, i quickly discover something i have never seen in my life. Initially I would prefer to join an investment bank, but my logics force myself to make a more suitable choice which insurance is a human business, and investment bank is a money business, i would prefer the earlier option despite the fact the later seems more "main stream".

once again thanks God for making me NOT follow my feeling, after 2 months of service in Manulife, the Lehman Brothers fell like the first tower in 911, then AIG become the second tower. when I looked back, i felt like I was blindfolded and walk across a highway, somehow two massive trucks just missed me by inch.

After two years it still felt like a dream, I have gained so much from this job it is an eye opener. I met quite a few people, break down different kind of stereotypes, trying to understand what human being really is.

It seems to me people always believe a better future, yet everyone has their own interpretation of "better", a lot of people looking for success, yet everyone has their own image of successful.

I have met some really rich people who are really successful according to the social standard, yet their children pay not respect to their reputation, some have not succeed in marriage, friendship, even the most basic integrity. they try to be perfect, improve, upgrade, by all necessary mean they might have changed how people talk about them, and the world who worship their "success" might not even care about their personal life.

When you look at people like Tiger wood, his sponsors, supporters, investors have no interested into his relationship, or moral value as long as he can still perform which also mean able to make more money.

But is it making 2 more millions in one's life is more complete than having a health family? I have to say a absolutely no to that. Human is made to be differ from animals, no matter how people talk about efficiency, effectiveness, yet somehow i discover the lowest life form is the most efficient being, while top of the food chain are usually less efficient. are we trying to downgrade ourselves so that we can be more like an single cell Amoebae.

This sort of seeing totally breakdown my previous dream of changing the world, this world do not need more space shuttles or super cars, consider them as bonus and enjoyment, but this world do need more caring and connection between people.

The other insight I got in this two years is the definition of perfect. We can easily pictures a perfect match for us, a perfect car, a perfect family, a perfect body, a perfect house, a perfect life. People want to invent different kind of ways to perfect our world, yet why the world get more separate while we are trying to be more perfect.

I like to categorize people, like men/woman, outgoing/withdraw, loud/quiet. Now i have a new kind of catalog i can use. The people who live in the past, in the present and in the future.

When I looked back from time to time after numerous conversation with different people including myself, anyone who had the experience of falling in love is not someone perfect, people who has flaws, imperfect, not complete even idiotic, once you are in love, everyone is perfect in your eyes. this world is perfect, the annoying children are perfect, the ugly bastard always accuse me has become perfect, the bird shit is perfect, the noise from your neighbor has the most beautiful sound.

This can apply everywhere, sometimes a woman give birth to the most annoying selfish screaming not considerate child, yet this child is still perfect in this woman's eyes.

This is rarely hard to explain to people who have not conducted to their emotional side, people who still pursuit their own "perfection" by getting a bigger house, better car, most expensive hardware. this is like explaining the different of having sex and making love. same action, different foundation.

When I first joined the insurance industry, I thought it is easy, i just need to wear a pair of headset, like those emergency center, there would be people calling, ordering life insurance. It turns out to be the biggest jokes in my current district now.

However I thank God for opening a door for me, the chance to explore different area of life, i did not know there are a lot of people knows insurance is a huge business, people who are wanting to get rich and know selling insurance can become so rich. I have to say so far I have no luck in money, yet i know i will be wealthy rich one way or the other. but the fact that the enjoyment having a honest conversation with few people might have find this job more appealing than anything else in this world.

Hard to imagine, but that's reality, always looks unrealistic before anything happens. When it happens, they all seems logical.

The value of man

Everyday I want to write something down, then I become tired at night, cannot be bother to type chinese, then it get worest it is not my responsibility to write, then the question becomes what is responsibility, then the evolve into who give responsibility to a man? also what is the basic standard for an ordinary man?

soon my ambition developed through day dreaming has direct contact with my reality. I have a friend who studied pharmacist now working for a well-respected cancer doctor, I tried to consult him on the treatment of cancer, also asking for some hard fact regarding the face amount for those who purchase critical illness insurance.

He is really passionate about his job, I usually learn things from each conversation during the selling progress, neglect my prospect will eventually purchase an insurance policy through me or not. I found out the more I dropped my subjective point of view being set up through my life experience, each person no matter how insignificant people see him, he must have something to offer. I have to say some of times in our life are wasted, so are many people are wasting their life, he can speak tons of bullshit with heavy bias, unreal fantasy, he must have tiny small thing that's unique about him.

Anyway, the friend of mine really care about his patient, I would say he fulfill above average effort an ordinary pharmacist should perform, so once I asked him, who give you the responsibility to do this far while other pharmacists feel they have done enough. He replied the responsilibity is given to each person by themselves.

To me I don't have to care about a lot of stuffs, I do not have a lot of liability, no family on my shoulder, as long as I don't cause much trouble this world generally fine with me.

However when I think further about building space shuttle or saving the world, it is very likely I must compare myself with the normal standard a human being should able to fulfill.

My job is quite simple but not easy, I calculate my client's life value. To be precie if I have made an appointment with someone who is willing to talk about his/her life insurance (which usually not a lot of people who is ready to face the reality), before I start the "selling", I must discuss the undiscussable topic, how much do you worth?

Of course I have done that to myself, I am surprise a lot of insurance agents not willing to face the reality themselves before they go out trying to be "successful" in the company term. The question means if I am gone, dissappear right here right now, will I have any financial effect on the people around me?

If I do have financial effect, do I really care about that?

I must admit a lot of people who is unwilling to discuss the topics is because of fear, untrust, but I also have to admit there are few people who is unwilling to discuss this topic is because they already know there will be no effect.

It sounds really harsh but this world is harsh to a lot of us, I assume the government able to pay my funeral, it cost fuel to burn my body, as well as labor cost, management fee, head count, etc. That's the most basic responsibility I must take account, I leave couple thousand bucks to take care of my own body.

The hard fact about the value of a single adult man is the composition, mainly water, carbon and iron in my blood will cost only USD1, yes, really cheap.

There is a christian mythology the devil was once the best archangel, God created all angels in fire, and when he created men with dust yet put His own image into Adam, and put him in the position above angels, Luficer is pissed, and get insanely jealous of man, then it leads to an excuse for its later betrayal.

It asked, why I am more superior, more powerful, wiser, more intelligent being, yet my master put me under a being whom is weak, fragile, and created in dust? Sounds familiar with those compliant their bosses are stupid, the government is idiotic?

If the basic value of man is someone who create the same value which make his life sustainable, I am still unable to reached the most basic standard.

Oh yes, to be plain honest I am still a liability to my family, the government and this world, despite the resources I have already spent through my entire life.

There is a program on CBS made an interview with an american businessman, he is a celebrity agent, only he promote the deceased celebrities. The idea developed when he wanted to become agent for celebrity yet found out all the living one must already have the best agent. Therefore he created the idea of promoting the deceased celebrites, and this has made him a billionaries. He brought the legal use of the celebrities' prestige, talk to their family and set up an empire, selling icons, shirts, basically anything. People including James Dean, Elvis, some famous baseball players, the "best" thing about his business is the image of those people are already fixed, and presume it will last forever.

It proved some men's value are higher when they passed away than they are living. But they must have put a lot of effort while they are still living.

This is a totally different dimension, think about Issac Newtons who define the three laws for physics world, he was treated and attacked like a dog at his generation, at his old age his work finally recongised and he is given a minor medal of something, yet 1000 years later the NASA must use his principles for the moon mission. Now that's some value you can never calculate.

Some of my clients earn little, his life insurance face amount might not even fit shoes for the monthly salary of my other clients. Yet what they meant to their family which cannot be typed in my calculator, or we must give a name: the Intangible Assets. Usually are much more valuable.

This sort of insight has given me a new meaning of my job, and it does not and should not be defined by how much I have earned for my company.