When architect meets insurance

Today i have signed a life saving plan with a architect friend who is still working in England.

since our office is changing to smart office (paperless), they have to break down all the individual meeting rooms, we have to do it in the conference room.

Anyway, i show him my working area, which is a 2m x 1m x 1.5m high desk with chair and a drawer. He mentioned he does not really like the design of our office, with all the high wall build up between desk, actually most of the insurance company office is like that.

That's what the company intend to do, work as individual, the less communication as possible, isolated, people don't talk to other, it is crazy! sometimes most agents don't even smile or look at you when they walk past, it's like everyone is totally invisible to them!

the longer they serve, the more it becomes, frankly i am happy my boss isn't like that, still 20 years + you can still tell there can be no honest conversation, ok, maybe honest is a bit too much, just normal plain conversation, e.g. what you doing during the weekend, what you having lunch?

they don't even encourage colleagues have lunch together, it means you have no appointment with clients! it is logical but sad..

I hope I can break the chain and make some change in the office, i think i feel this way as a normal person, it is intolerant for an architect which work about design and stuffs.

ok, i admit i am a little bit over-dramatic, it isn't that bad to me, actually i start to enjoy it, i am thinking getting a tank of fish on my desk, and a proper computer.

but i am making the point sometimes a job look nice, working a big firm, get a lot of flexible time, or when people want to make big money, there is a price to pay.

Human iceberg

does it occur to you when you look at a 6"2 tall man weight 220lbs you feel he can definitely beat someone to death?

or a extremely hot woman she is probably very good in bed?

or a millionaire he/she should not have any worries in his/her life?

Of course not, the % of billionaire commit suicide is much higher than normal people, and people who are good in bed probably look very normal, murders always look very kind and slim. Yet still our perspective always guide us to link the image of one person to another.

i start to love my job because it kept telling my incorrect point of view towards human from the past, how i look and judge people, even those i know for 10, 20 years.

you see people are like iceberg, 90% of our mass and stuffs go under water, and that 10% above water cannot tell you much, that's how we dress, how we talk, how we present ourselves and it can go completely wrong.

and people don't have time or bother to go under water and look at it, maybe that is impolite to dig deeper, yet how much we have under water can be tested when crisis comes along, people who are heavy do not flow or moved easily, and those who have nothing below water and waste most of their time shaping the 10% will be blow away like feather.

i really like what my boss have taught me: it is not about who you know, it is about how much you know.

Little women

Little Women or, Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy is a novel by American author Louisa May Alcott (1832–1888). Written and published in two parts in 1868 and 1869, the novel follows the lives of four sisters — Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy March — and is loosely based on the author's childhood experiences with her three sisters.

I honestly feel this book have influenced a lot of successful stories and drama e.g. Friends, Desperate Housewives, etc which draw pictures of small people with close relationship.

It is never about changing the world nor saving the humanity, or going to the moon.

The reason why I have chosen this topic is because we had an annual meeting for Manulife the insurance company 2 days ago, since the economy went down, the insurance company have to cut down the cost in making a good mood! that affect the location of the events, the quality of the promotion, etc.

Basically this sort of meeting are held once a year, all agents (around 3500 people) have to go there to listen some bullshit they try to inject in our brain.

This year's theme is the "art of war" by Sun Tzu, manulife have taken the 5 elements within it but totally abuse the true meaning, but well, it is about the mood with drums and everything make people believe what they are saying, that's not important.

To me, insurance in board view can be extremely complex, it cannot fit into one men's brain because the system is too complex for one man to handle.

But fundamentally why people chosen to have protection is not black and white or how much money, people are looking for caring and listener, support and friendship, someone they can see and rely on, not a piece of paper that can be claim money when they are dead.

When it comes to that, I suddenly realise what have the whole insurance industry has gone wrong, there should be millions of little stories like little women happening in real life, together it construct an extremely large human network around the world, instead of % on the huge projector saying: we are winning!

What the fxxk is that? the system is like a skeleton of the building, but what people care is not the skeleton of the building, but how they feel comfortable living within it.

after 6 months, I finally realise why people hate insurance agents so much, not because the system has anything wrong, but it is how the insurance company train us in a wrong direction.

We don't sell policy, we sell protection.

We don't sell funds, we sell relationship.

We don't sell the company, we sell trust.

Wargame...

Today i have joined my friends to the first wargame, it felt great! i always had love for guns and battles and wars.

thanks to my cousin she was awesome with her husband to make this happen.

i had a close encounter experience have people fight each other, it is only a game but when you are in it, you want to take it seriously, freakly tired.

it is always different when you imagine in your head and actually do it, holding a airsoft gun and clicking a mouse button to play a first person shooter already have a lot of different, i cannot imagine how much different it must be to be in a real war firing a real gun.

when i was back in uk doing my computering business, i met this British solider who was serving in iraq who wanted to get a gaming computer for his birthday present. talking to him on the MSN stating he has his UK standard rifle next to him make me feel so cool, then i realized it was not that cool after all.

i felt my strength start to build up after my mindset was fixed, still i was not able to claw between the grass for a very long time.

yet a very big impact to me today is i want to know more, experience more, because when people say i know something and he did not actually did it once, you cannot take his/her words seriously.

driving game and real car is different

watch the animals in TV and really get close to them in real life is different

how would people feel and behave differently when it comes to war and fighting?

I asked the instructor about something with the sniper in wargame. he said in a real war, the sniper range 800-1000m while a normal rifle range around 300-400m, when a solider ed to run from 800m to 300m able to put the sniper in his attack range, he has to run 400-500m between covers carry 20+kg load.

but in a wargame, an airsoft sniper rifle has only 60feet range while an airsoft normal rifle have range around 40 feet, it is pointless because the player only need to run about 20 feet to put the sniper in his own attack range.

there is still a huge different between war game and real war...

Giant leap for Chinese men

first Christmas in Hong Kong after 8 years, did not go out, cannot be bothered, already too tired, this is good and bad thing about single during the romantic festival.

Anyway, went to China my ex-work place to get back some clothes, have lunch with the boss and his lovely wife with my mum, good to see some colleagues and i definitely feel better, i have felt i have already able to fuse in with the local Chinese, it took away many bias from the western education about China, they are very happy to see me too.

this is more solid to see that the factory is remind stable during difficult time, i hope i can heavily invest in this company who has a lot of potential, esp. when i know the people, it was the only reason i dare to work in china while most of the people cannot stand it, it was hard but it definitely the right and good move, happy happy.

I become more clam and less abusive about my life, thanks God to that and those who secretly pray for me, i think God will reward them 100 time more than i can afford.

To grab some fresh air, i have the tendency to become more God-centre and less self-centre, whenever i do that i felt my problem isn't really a problem, whenever i want to act according to my desire, i felt heavier, because i put all the unnecessary baggage on my shoulder while i can share it with God and make my life easier.

Another sweet thing i heard is the flower on my ex-boss's wife table, there were time the company in an extreme situation my ex-boss have arguments with his wife, he can be very abusive and egotism as well even though he is a Christian, very understandable if you have worked in China, anyway his wife got very very upset and decide to leave the job.

What his wife's bearing is very important role and basically devote herself into her husband's ambition, all my ex-boss did was send her flower, write a sorry card and apologies, and his woman able to totally devote for her husband because of love again.

it sounds not a big deal, it is a big deal, i start to understand all women fundamental want the same thing, just a little things can satisfy them then they are totally fall for a man they love, and why on earth most of us including myself find it so difficult to do those little things? i mean is it really difficult? yes it is, it is goddamn hard, why is it so hard? i ain't so certain, but to me my ex-boss did a great job at the age nearly 60, he isn't a nice guy, and people should know nice guy cannot run a factory.

That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for Chinese men!

As great as I can be

People think great person is someone like a war hero, one against 100, or some sort of big-cooperation CEO, or someone invent something to change the way we live, or extraordinary people who save a little kids from car crash, etc.

They can be, not as great as those who live among the reality, a single mother who raise her 3 children all by herself, or a disable person who live a optimistic happy life, or a normal people who has courage to stand against injustice..

Yet even greatest hero or the strongest need time to beg for mercy sometimes, feeling weak and lost the purpose and question for what?

The single mother can explain there are so many mother don't care about their own children, their children is living fine, I can just relax myself for awhile, they will be fine as long as I don't feed them drugs or something, if they choose to go down the wrong path, it was their own choice.

The disable person can say to himself, among all these people why it is me who is disable, do the maths, calculate the %, check the statistic fact sheets, i don't see the reason i belong to this %.

Those who oppose the unjust can say, there are so many unfairness in this world already, mine should not be so important, just let it go.

You know great people do not lie in front of the mirror, the work behind them, those people cannot been seen, make them whoever they are now, and the more i see it, there is no try being, there is only force being, no mother want to be single, no one want to be disable, no one want to be treated unfairly, all these little things we encounter each day has become a sticks hitting us behind us.

You see after the children has grew up, will the mother say i would like to do this again? If the disable person have a chance to get well, will he not take it and say I am fine because i have already living a optimistic life? Or will the victim of injustice claim he/she would like to treated unfairly again because it is so cool to fight back?

So what a great man suppose to live is like when people ask him before his death: Do you want to live again?

He should say: Nah, I don't want to, it was so goddamn hard but what I did was necessary and good.

To understand, not to be understood.

Writing this song with the song Come what May from Moulin Rouge.

Few things that support our livings, Love and being love, care and being cared, Friendship, Family, job satisfaction, being felt important, recognition, praised, reputation.

Life is a like a movie, watched by many, understood by few, and lived only by you. I know what most of us going through our mind, every day we are making choices.

And sometimes can't help it look back and wonder what would i become now if i have chose differently. I wish I have this and that, but the reality hit us so hard, things just don't happen according to our will.

And funny enough the way we see things kept changing, we thought this is the best option I am making, when we looked back we can always say, i was young and stupid, i thought it was the only choice.

Once and awhile, what i really wanted is to get away from my religious family, maybe find a place next to a sea side, get a local jobs, happy enough to support a family, maybe before that i could have tried couple relationship :), Brighton in UK could be a great choice, i don't like get connected to too much people, peaceful and quiet place suited me more, i only require a CD player and a TV and a computer in the house, very very simple, no more complex religious arguments, no politics, no financial worries, just simple.

It turned out reality has not happened, not even close, first my parents still alive, second i don't think i can get away from the religion in my life, thirdly i am already in the financial world, and finally my job is to build relationship, and i can guarantee you Chinese see relationship more important than money, so the quiet and low key life will never happen.

My parents say they have devoted me to "God" before I was born, most people think it is a joke, it is not, this is like winning the lottery 10 times in a row, you won't get away with this at all, all the things you experience and feeling with differ from the majority, you will be extremely lonely even surround by many, and you can never share what you need to bear, and you can never get away with that.

The Christian say it is such a honor, that's a blessing, it seems they don't know what the fuck they are talking about, that's bullshit, God suck this up big time.

As simple as I wanted to be, few romance can't be wrong? Or watch few cantons should be alright? Few comics book looks wouldn't be asking for too much? Got drunk and had some fun should not be forbidden? What has my world has become such a painful experience?

You know how did the great philosopher Aristotle die? He was murdered from the election of the Greeks, because people were so annoyed by his action how he kept going on the street asking people do you know what is the purpose of your life? The guy who were cropping porks in the market replied, how the fxxk do I know Aristotle? I crop porks because I am cropping it.

So is he great or an annoying person?

A mother feed her children, she felt joy to see her children grow, that's why she do it for the family.

A father work hard for his son and his own life, he do it because he would like to see his son got the best education and he is a father capable to do so.

A boy keep bugging a girl because he sees the beauty in this girl the family will be great, that's why he kept doing it.

A thieve steals because he found job satisfaction and excitements, so he steals.

A king rules because he felt he is responsible for his own country.

I understand those and people do that naturally, very normally, but i am a son who do not live like a son, i should be someone's lover yet who have no motivation to do so, i see no trace that i will be a father, or take up some important roles in my job, i have friends but friendship to me isn't that important (sorry), parents to me ain't important (deeply sorry), achievement and money does not attract me, love affair used to but i don't feel like it anymore, dear god, what have i become?

Then one day I suddenly read this: Your problem is focusing on your problem too much, pay attention to other people's problem, then your problem will be resolved.

It is not your life, your parents, neither the environment nor religions make your life sucks, it is you and you alone Calvin, you thought you need to be understood so you can get on with your life, it is you who need to understand rather than waiting to be understood, it will never happen and you will always stuck at this situation complaining this and that.