To understand, not to be understood.

Writing this song with the song Come what May from Moulin Rouge.

Few things that support our livings, Love and being love, care and being cared, Friendship, Family, job satisfaction, being felt important, recognition, praised, reputation.

Life is a like a movie, watched by many, understood by few, and lived only by you. I know what most of us going through our mind, every day we are making choices.

And sometimes can't help it look back and wonder what would i become now if i have chose differently. I wish I have this and that, but the reality hit us so hard, things just don't happen according to our will.

And funny enough the way we see things kept changing, we thought this is the best option I am making, when we looked back we can always say, i was young and stupid, i thought it was the only choice.

Once and awhile, what i really wanted is to get away from my religious family, maybe find a place next to a sea side, get a local jobs, happy enough to support a family, maybe before that i could have tried couple relationship :), Brighton in UK could be a great choice, i don't like get connected to too much people, peaceful and quiet place suited me more, i only require a CD player and a TV and a computer in the house, very very simple, no more complex religious arguments, no politics, no financial worries, just simple.

It turned out reality has not happened, not even close, first my parents still alive, second i don't think i can get away from the religion in my life, thirdly i am already in the financial world, and finally my job is to build relationship, and i can guarantee you Chinese see relationship more important than money, so the quiet and low key life will never happen.

My parents say they have devoted me to "God" before I was born, most people think it is a joke, it is not, this is like winning the lottery 10 times in a row, you won't get away with this at all, all the things you experience and feeling with differ from the majority, you will be extremely lonely even surround by many, and you can never share what you need to bear, and you can never get away with that.

The Christian say it is such a honor, that's a blessing, it seems they don't know what the fuck they are talking about, that's bullshit, God suck this up big time.

As simple as I wanted to be, few romance can't be wrong? Or watch few cantons should be alright? Few comics book looks wouldn't be asking for too much? Got drunk and had some fun should not be forbidden? What has my world has become such a painful experience?

You know how did the great philosopher Aristotle die? He was murdered from the election of the Greeks, because people were so annoyed by his action how he kept going on the street asking people do you know what is the purpose of your life? The guy who were cropping porks in the market replied, how the fxxk do I know Aristotle? I crop porks because I am cropping it.

So is he great or an annoying person?

A mother feed her children, she felt joy to see her children grow, that's why she do it for the family.

A father work hard for his son and his own life, he do it because he would like to see his son got the best education and he is a father capable to do so.

A boy keep bugging a girl because he sees the beauty in this girl the family will be great, that's why he kept doing it.

A thieve steals because he found job satisfaction and excitements, so he steals.

A king rules because he felt he is responsible for his own country.

I understand those and people do that naturally, very normally, but i am a son who do not live like a son, i should be someone's lover yet who have no motivation to do so, i see no trace that i will be a father, or take up some important roles in my job, i have friends but friendship to me isn't that important (sorry), parents to me ain't important (deeply sorry), achievement and money does not attract me, love affair used to but i don't feel like it anymore, dear god, what have i become?

Then one day I suddenly read this: Your problem is focusing on your problem too much, pay attention to other people's problem, then your problem will be resolved.

It is not your life, your parents, neither the environment nor religions make your life sucks, it is you and you alone Calvin, you thought you need to be understood so you can get on with your life, it is you who need to understand rather than waiting to be understood, it will never happen and you will always stuck at this situation complaining this and that.